The Magic Between a Mutually Healing Relationship

This post was originally written on peachydust.com (my now expired website). It’s another episode of BTS helping me discover something new about myself. in which i also gush about Magic Shop, our new fan song that is made by the youngest member of the band, Jungkook.

“I know that hesitation, because even if you speak from the heart
It will eventually come back to you as scars
I will not say such obvious thing as ‘have strength’
I will tell you, tell you my story”

— BTS, MAGIC SHOP

all the songs in love yourself: tear are undeniably catchy (my thoughts on the album here), but there’s one song that earns a soft spot in my heart regardless the genre and that is our second fan song after 2!3!, magic shop.

in several occasions, jungkook has mentioned that he didn’t feel like he’s working when he produced and wrote the lyrics for magic shop, simply because he had army in his thought while making the song. in which, jimin replied, “our jungkook now has a smooth way of talking. he’s grown.” while having big heart eyes for jk. i do feel like jk is growing up fast, and well. i can’t imagine how pre-debut and debut army must feel like, seeing jk grew up before their eyes. it must be a great yet nostalgic feeling, i suppose?

though 2!3! is intended to be a supportive/cheer up type of fan song, i think we all can notice that it has sadness and gloomy notion in it. i mean, we know that the song was made because of the painful things that bts and armys have gone through. it wasn’t made because we walked on a path filled with rose petals already, but it was because bts and armys have been walking on thorny path for quite some times before we eventually made it.

when i listen to it, it makes me really sad. there was a point where i went on a research on google to see other groups’ fan songs. because last year i was still new to k-pop, i thought it’s normal to be this sappy when it comes to fan songs. but, what i found out, fan songs mostly talk about how great the fans are with cheesy and greasy pick up lines here and there. it’s all about the fans and how beautiful they are. more like a love letter that you receive from your crush in 6th grade. on one hand, i’m proud that 2!3! is better lyrically, but on the other hand, i’m still sad because “god dammit, this is our fan song! why does it have to be so desolate?”

when i was singing 2!3! at the wings tour in macau, i burst into tears. i couldn’t believe that i could come all the way from my country to macau. after i went through a lay-off process because the magazine closed down, it felt surreal to be able to come and see the seven individuals who have made my life more bearable. my past self wouldn’t believe that i flew 2.015 miles to see these talented strangers. all the hardships, all the good times, everything just flashed in front of my eyes. it was like my life has been reset. i held up the fan project sign that said “넌 내게 이 세계의 전부 이다”, a part of best of me lyrics that translates to “you are the whole world to me”. i produly sang 2!3! with my broken korean.

i think if not all, most of the armys in the arena knew the meaning behind 2!3!. the girls behind me were crying, probably reminded by how far bts has come. my friend who was also my co-worker next to me had her mouth opened the whole song, probably because she too couldn’t believe that bts sang in front of her. it was a mix of singing and sobbing and sometimes screaming. the view around me was amazing. everyone held the sign up while still holding their army bombs up high. nobody was in pain, we’re all standing proudly, because we’re here, together. the lights were dimmed, adding more emotional flare to the situation. everyone continued singing even after bts stopped. it was so beautiful. i wish i could re-live the moment.

2!3! is such a great reminder of where bts came from. we’re humbled by the lyrics. but with so many records and barriers that have been broken, i wholeheartedly agree that it’s time for us to have a happier fan song.

magic shop has a more hype sound with edm (gosh!) genre. edm isn’t my favorite, so i sometimes skipped magic shop when i listen to the album a few days after it was released. until… until that one damn night that i forgot the exact date. when i listened to magic shop for the -th time, i looked up the lyrics and i burst into tears. but this time was different than the time when i burst into tears while listening to 2!3!.

it’s so amazing how much i relate to these guys. their honesty is something that i’ll always appreciate. they did write and produce their music with all of their cell and heart.

*my most favorite parts will be in bold

I know that hesitation, because even if you speak from the heart
It will eventually come back to you as scars
I will not say such obvious thing as ‘have strength’
I will tell you, tell you my story

this whole part is so relatable, i can’t even fathom why. i have been in those times where i tell my worries or my stories to people, that i consider as friends, but instead of getting the comfort that i long for, i gain more stress. people who don’t really empathize with mental illness or with friends who don’t really believe in mental illness, they’d usually throw any advice just to shut you up. i don’t blame them, though. i know it’s confusing and hard for them too to understand. i don’t even understand myself most of the times. but i do wish that they don’t always say ‘have strength’ or ‘just be grateful’ because it just makes me irritated. instead, i hope people would’ve told their stories, so maybe i could learn from it. so we could make a stronger personal connection, because when you share stories, you share parts of you, and by sharing parts of you, they become efforts to keep the relationship with the other person stronger. i’m sure i’ll appreciate it more.

What did I say
I said we would win
I couldn’t believe (for real)
Could we win or not
This mirage that isn’t a mirage
Did we made it
(No) I was here
It was you who came to me
I do believe your galaxy
I want to hear your melody
How will the stars of your galaxy
Embroider your sky

Don’t forget that at the end of my despair
I found you
You are my last reason
Standing at the edge of my cliff
Live.

when joon starts his part, with my broken korean, i kinda knew that this part talks about army and bts. how we have helped them in every possible step in their music career (and possibly personal life). i love how the lyrics illustrate a mutual relationship. like… with bts and armys, it’s never a one-way type of relationship. without figures like them, we wouldn’t be this devoted in creating records together with them, without our support, their success could probably be delayed. with this part, they really want to deliver the message that they don’t take our love and support for granted. and this miracle, this dream, this path that they’re currently walking on is possible because wemade it. we’re each other’s strength.

When you hate being yourself
When you just want to disappear forever
Let’s make a door in your heart
If you open that door and come in, I’ll be waiting for you there

It’s okay to believe, I’ll comfort you Magic Shop

here comes the part that made me cry the hardest that night. i can confidently say this, my biggest support system is bts. i do have great close friends, i do, but they really don’t know what to do with me anymore. me being anxious, me being anti-social, me being depressed. they don’t know what to do with those parts of me. my family? is a mess (i wrote about it here), i don’t expect anything from them. when i hate being myself, they’d say “you have everything that others may not have, why do you hate yourself? be grateful” or when i say i want to disappear, they’d say “why are you so dramatic, it’s just a bad day”. so it’s only me and bts. against this crazy world.

this part hits me hard because everytime i feel like the world is crumbling down, i really go to them. i carved a door and it’s been my gate to them. to my comfort room.

i really like they use ‘magic shop’ as a way to represent some kind of support system or place of comfort. it’s not cheesy, it’s distinct, and it’s special. magic shop. who would’ve thought?

Drink a cup of warm tea
And look up to that galaxy
You will be okay, oh, here Magic Shop

ah, bts… thank you for reminding me, us, that there’s still a piece of peace in this chaotic life.

So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
Show you show you

Bloom like a rose
Flutter like a cherry blossom
Fall like a morning glory
Like that beautiful moment
I always wanted to be the best

So I was impatient, I was anxious all the time
Comparing myself to others was my every day
The greed that was my weapon instead choked me and became my leash
But looking back, the truth is
I didn’t just want to become the best
I wanted to comfort you, move you
I want to end your sadness and pain

do you read the lyrics, though? and how hoseok sings with emotion flowing so naturally in every breath he takes? not to mention that this part is beautifully written. please. the metaphors that they use. flutter like cherry blossom? that beautiful moment? a morning glory? please. these dudes are talented in singing, rapping, writing, and producing.

Would you believe me if I say even I was afraid of everything
All the sincerity, the remaining time
All of your answers are in here where you found it
In your galaxy, inside your heart

i love how relatable they are to me, to us(?). that everyone in this world is scared of something in their life.

people around me don’t really tell their fear to me. the way my sister is scared that our dad is probably building a new family, that’s why he never comes home anymore. the way my mom is scared that my dad stops sending her and my sister money to live. the way one of my best friends is scared to never have a kid of her own because something’s wrong with her body. the way one of my friends is so scared of not having any friend because he’s been so used to be a spotlight in every situation. and many more. so to hear the first part is relieving.

i’m glad that they’re open enough to us. i’m glad they have this creative freedom, in which it can be their outlet to at least pour out what they feel, even though not everything. just like a quote from norwegian wood by haruki murakami. when people open up, they get better. and it’s true. at least for me. i’m trying to be open, so my brain isn’t polluted with too much shit. but of course, opening up is a terrifying process. refer back to what the first part of this song, that sometimes when you open up, you come back with scars. it takes a great amount of trust when it comes to opening up. i just hope that armys won’t misuse the trust they give us, i hope the guys are not suffocated and they can feel better after writing their music.

You gave me the best of me
So you’ll give you the best of you

You found me, you recognized me
You gave me the best of me
So you’ll give you the best of you
You will find it, the galaxy inside you

the bold parts though. these shits hurt. but it also feels good at the same time.

armys, i think we all need a reminder of how much we’ve done for bts. and this song will be a perfect constant reminder for us to keep loving ourselves. it’s such an amazing feeling to have people that you love say that they believe we can totally do the same amazing things for ourselves.

when i read that part, some “crazy” things that i have done for bts popped up in my head again. always bought their albums and made sure that all were counted towards hanteo and/or gaon, flew to a freaking foreign land to watch their concert after only 6 months stanning them, subscribed to melon even though it’s more expensive than spotify and apple music just so i can help with streaming, wrote about bts in the magazine i used to work at, streamed day and nights while forgetting to sleep sometimes, and many more. take some credits, armys! pat yourself on the back, because we all did amazing for them. which you can totally do to yourselves.

i appreciate that they really want us to be kind to ourselves too. not just them or people around us. you gave me the best of me, so you’ll give you the best of you. i really think this phrase is one of the best way of saying ‘i love you’ to your loved ones. the fact that you have this much power and love for other people, means you can definitely love yourself and make yourself great.

the last part was also making me cry because i realize that no matter how far i’ve gone on a journey to find answers to difficult questions in my head, eventually, i don’t have anyone but myself, i’ll always come back to myself, because inside me, there’s this galaxy — a complex universe, in which the answer that i already know is inside it. i just need to dive in, get to know my own universe and its complexity to find a way to the answer that i need (not i want). most of the time, i do forget about the power of the mind. and i hope through this song, we’re constantly discovering new things about ourselves.

personally, this song is the most beautiful song in the album, in terms of lyrics. the beat is catchy, but edm is still not my cup of tea. but it’s certainly growing on me! the more i listen to it, and the more i cry about it, i feel like the vocal and the rap are blending beautifully with the sound of the song. like… it doesn’t really matter if it’s edm or not anymore.

i’m so proud of you, jk! you definitely have talent in producing (i mean we all know outro: love is not over is such a legend). i hope you have more time in producing more beautiful songs! i have nothing but praise for my baby boy.

does this song comfort you? or do other songs in love yourself: tear comfort you? whichever song, this album earns my respect and it deserves to be placed up high in the chart. (armys, don’t forget to stream fake love from today’s top hit playlist on spotify!).

to my galaxy, my universe, my hwayangyeonhwa, my spring day, my sea, and my magic shop, thank you for keep reminding me that this life isn’t so bad after all.

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